Adventures in Spider Land

Isn’t it amazing, amazing I tell you, how stealthy spiders are? And, gosh, the places they choose to live. For instance . . .

Yesterday was the day I decided to take down the sheers in the dining room for a wash. These are the lovely, on Sale at Penney’s, sheers I bought last year in anticipation of painting that room. That hasn’t happened yet but I put the sheers up anyway just to cheer myself. It’s been a while so down they came and I bundled them into my arms and even though they were slip-sliding away in every direction I eventually wrestled them all into the laundry room. Unbeknownst to me I had guests.

With water running into the machine, I added the detergent and began to load the first pair of sheers. As I reached down into the basket, which butts right up against the machine, I came up short. There on the white enamel surface, two inches from my nose, she sat. Or bounced. Danced maybe? Scared the poop right outta me. I popped up quicker than our grand dog when someone yells, “Squirrel!” with my hand over my heart. Where the devil had that come from???

Okay, this was no cute little, almost invisible, critter. Nope. Around here we call these Farm Spiders. About an inch long with soul piercing eyes and attitude. I’ll tell you right now, I don’t squish  the big ones. If I have my vacuum handy I often invite them to the party in my Sears 4 HP Arachnid 7, but yesterday I was without my handy spider sucker. Sooooo – I went for my spider rescue kit. Ha! Bet you didn’t know I had one of those, right? Okay, I made this thing myself. It’s a plastic cup and a recipe card I got from an author who sends recipes if you sign up for her newsletter. It’s made of nice stiff, glossy paper and this one was for crab dip, I think. Anyway, here’s what you do.

1.    Approach spider (I know)

2.    Slap the cup over spider (be quick here, spiders are amazing leapers)

3.    Slide card under cup

4.    Hang there for a second and calm yourself

5.    Lift cup, card and spider TOGETHER and carry outside

6.    Release spider onto the ground, not into the air as this can go horribly wrong with the spider perhaps wanting revenge and jumping onto your leg when you remove the card. Guess how I know that?

I followed this procedure precisely and all was well. Until I found the second one. On the kitchen screen. Probably the first one’s husband. Somewhat bigger and able to slip out of the sheers while I was dealing with his wife. I could almost hear him, “Don’t worry, Blanche, I’ll come for you!”  As he’s dodging my feet, looking for the tall grass. Coward. It was the cup for the mister, too. I imagine she's out there right now aiming one of her eight legs at him. "C'mere, Clive, I have something for you." 

Tune in around Christmas for more adventures in Spider Land. Can’t wait to dig into the plastic bins of ornaments. Perhaps Blanche and Clive's children have re-located there. Better have my Arachnid 7 handy.   

Photo: A spider on our garden post in the early fall of 2014. Go ahead and shiver!