Weird Things We Do

Yesterday I popped a frozen stick of butter into the microwave to melt it so I could mix it with brown sugar for my monkey pull apart sticky buns. Some of the butter stuck to the wrapper so I turned and looked at Agnes. She must have known what I was thinking because she “meowed” and walked over. I held the wrapper taught, bent down, and let her lick the excess butter off. I’ve always done this for our dogs and cats but suddenly I wondered if an observer would think it odd. Then, just like in those Prego commercials where bad choices are outted, my mind wandered off to other weird things people do.

My husband can’t suck on a hard candy. Nope, he pops a peppermint into his mouth where it sits for about two seconds and then he starts to crunch. I’ve chastised him for this to no avail. I mean, it sounds like his teeth are breaking. One of our granddaughters does the same thing and I once had a boss who did that, too. What’s with these people?

I have a relative, who, when contemplating a tough problem, like the answer to a Trivial Pursuit question, will suddenly seem to go off into another world. The manifestation of that is her rolling eyes. It’s as though she’s consulting ancient manuscripts, early television, and her own memory bank and perusing them all for the solution. You can’t talk to her when her eyeballs are reeling for fear she might either pass out or lunge at you. Kind of scary. She usually gets the right answer, too.

If you’ve been reading my blog for a while, you know I’m a licker. A serving spoon crusted with little bits of a delicious casserole, a beater full of whipped cream or frosting – they don’t have a prayer. The will be licked clean – um – when nobody is looking, of course. And after I’ve beaten back a couple of grand kids. “Go watch Dora! Grandma’s real busy.”

I’ve drawn a few conclusions from this mental exercise.

Critters love butter and if I can give them some, I will.

Some people are crunchers. The rest of us are suckers.

Magic eyeballs are so cool! I want some.

I may need help – “Hello, my name is Susan and I’m a licker.” Call me if you know someone.

How about you? Care to share?

 Image: Maggie Smith                                                               Free Digital Photos

Money - Write About It!

This is an article that appeared in Writing for Dollars several years ago. It’s been updated and the markets are all viable. So, take a look fellow writers. Perhaps this is just the project you’re looking for to get your year off to a rip roaring start! Glad to be of service.

Write About Money

By Susan Sundwall

Good grief, have you been watching the stock market roller coaster lately? Scary doesn’t even begin to cover it. But if you’re a savvy freelancer you can take advantage of the situation by creating articles that explain, offer tips and highlight trends in the world of money. And you’ll be happy to know that it’s just about like any other kind of writing if you follow a few simple steps.

Research – A good place to start is your local bank. Inquire about new ways for the average Joe to money manage in this dicey economy. Pick up brochures that offer further explanations. And take notes on investment trends written up in financial publications or tune in to any of the money management segments like Your Money or Money Matters offered on local or national news programs.

Realistically assess – While it can be daunting to think of querying a magazine like Forbes or Money Magazine, you can certainly get your feet wet more slowly. Ask around and see what friends and neighbors would appreciate knowing about money matters close to home. Write to those concerns.

Take the plunge – So your research is done, your article is written and you’ve identified your target audience. What will your approach be to the editors?

If you are approaching one of the high end magazines like Forbes or Mortgage Banking Magazine make sure you understand their content and style. Beg, borrow or steal a copy (or you could buy one – just sayin’) of the magazine to determine the acceptable tone. A recent feature in Forbes, for instance, reports on how you can write about your travel experiences and then write it off. How cool is that? Maybe you’d like to tackle a similar subject. Make your query professional, concise and interesting. Put a little personality into it, too.

How about a publication geared towards specific populations? Try something like AARP the Magazine, or Senior Life. Seniors take their finances very seriously and always appreciate an article written in a manner that’s friendly and easy to understand. Use the same tactics of good research, tone and style for these pieces, too.

Many Americans don’t have time to get a comprehensive reading on all that’s going on with money these days. That’s where a “did you know” or “six quick money tips,” write up is called for. Recently Woman’s World did a split page on how to super charge your kids’ college savings – something all parents would love to know about. By definition these articles will be brief, blocky and full of quick take away tips.

Most people want to know where every bit of their money is now and where it’s coming from next. Help them out. Find some of the newer and better ways to handle our finances and reap the benefit from those words. Check out these guidelines, too.

1. Mortgage Banking Magazine – Fee negotiated with editor in chief http://www.mortgagebankingmagazine.com/WritersGuidelines.htm

2. AARP The Magazine – Pays $1.00 per accepted word http://www.aarpmagazine.org/Articles/a2003-02-21-mag-writers_guidelines.html

3. Girl Works – Negotiate payment and invoice http://girlworks.ca/?page_id=1287

4. Dollar Stretcher – Pays $.10 per word http://www.stretcher.com/menu/writers.cfm

5. Colorado Biz – Pays $.40 and up http://www.cobizmag.com/support/freelance-guidelines/

Image: Free Digital Photos

Lost

Dear Grieving Child,

Yesterday we had a visitor in our yard. He seemed very shy at first, but hungry, too. Right by the old bread crumbs I put out for the birds I was surprised to see a small cat eating the crumbs. I was very quiet when I opened the door. He popped his head up real Quick! His eyes were big as he looked around because cats have to be very careful when they’re all alone. Sometimes other cats or mean dogs are close by. This cat seemed scared.

I’ll bet you were scared, too, when you couldn’t find your cat. One day you let him out to play and he didn’t come home. Sometimes that happens. Cats start visiting in the neighborhood and go the wrong way. Then they get lost. So for days and days you worried about your cat. At night you cried and maybe couldn’t eat your supper because you were so worried about him. Maybe he’s the cat that comes to eat my bread crumbs. Maybe this is your cat that’s in my yard.

For almost two weeks the little cat came back to eat the crumbs and one day when I opened the door he didn’t run away so I said, “Kitty, kitty.” And guess what? The cat said, “Meow,” back to me. He looked very skinny and still a little bit scared.

The next day when I put out the crumbs, I sat in a nearby chair. The cat walked through the yard and said, “Meow,” to me and – then – when he had eaten only a few crumbs, he rubbed against my leg. I reached down and picked him up and he purred on my lap! Right then I decided to keep him.

I hope he is your cat. Do you know why? Because even though he was lost and misses you very much, now he has a good home. He’s not lost anymore. If I knew where you lived, I would bring him back to you zippy quick. But I don't know and now he’s with me, nice and safe. I can tell he had a good friend like you once. He curls up in my lap at night while I watch television and only a cat who had someone wonderful like you in his life would know about warm laps. He trusts me.

So tonight when you go outside and look one more time for your cat, I want you to know that he’s okay. He misses you, but he is safe and warm. There are people like me everywhere who care about what happens to lost cats. So dry your tears and try to remember all the times you played with your cat and petted his soft fur. And even though he once was lost, he’s now been found and is loved.

Sincerely,

The Lost Cat Lady

PS: I call my new cat Charlie.

Image: Vlado                                                Free Digital Photos 

Names

Don’t you think it was pretty swell of God to go ahead and let us name things? Last Sunday the children all piled up at the front of the church to hear what pastor had to say about names. Theirs, the people out in the pews and The Name above all names, Jesus. One little girl, when asked about some of the names we give Him, raised her hand and said, “Jelly Beans.” I’m sure her outburst was the result of a long thought process involving Easter baskets, pretty bonnets and possibly the Elf on the Shelf, but you never know about kids. Wonderful, Counselor, Mighty God may be too much to grasp, so we'll cut them some slack - for now. 

While the children were getting name tag help pastor Slater stepped into the aisle to ask if any of the rest of us had name stories. Hands shot up.

“I was named after my grandmother,” said one.

“Three generations of men in our family have the same initials,” said another. Different names, but the same initials. Hmm. That took some figuring.

One woman confessed that she’d been named after a brand of sardines a relative noticed while traveling abroad. DeNola. Sounds kind of fishy, doesn’t it? She’s a very nice lady.

I’ve been reading the Bible starting with Genesis and my stars – the names people had in the Old Testament. Ibsam, Shilshah, Rephaiah – yeah, names like that. What did they do? Toss cuneiform wedges into the air and whatever came out on the floor was your name? Maybe. One guy named Nichloaiah had about 120 kids by 80 wives. It got so confusing that friends and neighbors simply asked each kid, “Do you have a real name or just a Nic-name?” Okay, I made that up, but it could have happened.

By the time we got to the New Testament, things had dramatically changed. Peter, James and John are still with us today and much more likely to stay, I think. Well, unless you’re some gotta-get-my-name in the paper somehow Hollywood type. Then it’s back to the old wedges.

The only thing I’ve recently named is our cat, Sister Agnes, and any story I might happen to be working on. I wrack my brain for those story titles. Please notice the great detail I put into naming this blog post. Pretty cool, huh?

What have you named recently? A new recipe, your ranch, a tattoo, or disease? Think about it and let us know right here in this post with the complicated title. 

Have a Terrific Tuesday. 

Image: domdeen                                                   Free Digital Photos

Sometimes Your Kid Gets It Right

I couldn’t believe my ears when he said it.

“Of all the seasons, we love winter the most.”

“What?” I asked with a squeal at the end. This bit of wisdom was handed to me by our middle son who had just become smarter than the rest of us being in high school now and all. We were in mid-run to the car on a particularly blustery afternoon.

“Okay, why?” That was my second question as I gained the driver’s side door.

“Because we’ve conquered it,” he answered with a touch of glee in his voice.

I didn’t know what to say next because my mind was a whirl. I thought of houses heated with that beast in the basement called a furnace. Hot air being pushed through ducts into every room spreading warmth through the house as winter ravages on outside. We dash from a warm house to a warm car to a warm building or grocery store and hardly give it a thought. I had to conclude that son was right so I grinned and told him so.

But, of course, I couldn’t let it go at that. No, there were other paths to stray onto, like all the people who don’t live where winter rages. Places like Florida, Arizona, and California. The residents of these balmy states are joined every year by the “snowbirds” who flee the chilly north when Old Man Winter comes whistling through the calendar. Their ability to escape with trailer in tow, or plane ticket in hand is another way of conquering the season, I guess. Right after Christmas upscale stores put their cruise wear on sale. When the going gets tough the birds call Carnival. That’s the modern age for you.

Off on another path, I considered many other situations, natural or otherwise, that we’ve overcome. When was the last time you heard of a child getting chicken pox, measles, mumps or any of the other childhood diseases that plagued our ancestors? Gone – at least in this country. Stretching that thought a little further, think of the injured soldier who comes back from war these days. You won’t see him or her with a pinned up sleeve; not for long anyway. Take a look at old photos of the Civil War or the YouTube video of the 50^th anniversary of the Battle of Gettysburg held in 1913 and you’ll appreciate what’s done now for our wounded and limbless warriors. Countless hours of research, design, and testing go into producing the devices that help alleviate some of the devastating affects of war. Lots of work to do there yet, but look how far we’ve come.

Back on track and contemplating winter. When it’s time in the autumn to close up the windows, put away the patio furniture, and pay for another tank of oil there’s a sense of sadness. Goodbye to the lazy, hazy days and hello to cozy fires in the living room fireplace, fat pumpkins and turkeys, the holidays, chunky warm sweaters and . . . hey! That all sounds pretty good, wouldn’t you say? It’s a kind of hibernation thing. We don’t go out as much but rather hunker down, enjoy the football and basketball seasons from the comfort of our homes. I think I like it. 

That’s the trouble with some people. One little remark about how we love a season sparks a brain hurricane of wandering thoughts and curious conclusions in the mind of his mom. I’m thinking I should reach back a few years (20 or so) and thank number two son who knew more than anybody and whose wisdom still helps me cope with the weather reports some of us non-snowbirds will be enduring in the next few months. Brrrrr.  

So - do you love winter, too? 

Image: Free Digital Photos

And Then There Are Cats

I wrote this article many years ago. And since, quite recently, we've become "cat people" I thought those of you who are also owned by a cat might enjoy this. 

That's our Sister Agnes in the picture, a rescued stray, come to stay. And getting darned fussy about her food!

Got Whiskers?

If a cat has nine lives it might be because of its whiskers. There are about 24 whiskers on the upper lip of a cat and more above their eyes, on their chin and on the back of their forelegs. Look at how many ways they use them.

• To get around in the dark.

• For measuring an opening to see if it will fit through.

• For communicating with other cats.

• For hunting.

• To tell whether or not the mouse or other prey they just caught is trying to escape.

• To avoid bumping into things.

• As protection from eye injury.

• To detect air currents.

• To send signals to humans.

The whiskers around the cats’ nose are movable and are more than twice as thick as ordinary hairs. They are called vibrissae, a word that reminds us of vibrating. When something vibrates around the cat like air currents or objects, the whiskers send a signal to the cat. The whiskers are as wide as the cats’ body so if they touch the sides of an opening the cat knows it will not fit through.  

Whiskers help a cat hunt. Night hunters like housecats and leopards have longer whiskers than day hunters like cheetahs. The night hunting cats will push the facial vibrissae forward and use them as sensors while they hunt. Even the shorter whiskers over the eyes and on the cheeks which are not movable are still very useful. When these whiskers are touched the cat blinks, which protects the eye from harmful objects.

Cats are farsighted. They can clearly spot a small darting animal from a distance, but will need those whiskers handy when the critter is caught. The cat will rotate its whiskers down to check on the size and shape or to detect if the mouse or prey is trying to escape.

When a cat wants to send a message it uses its whiskers. A cat out for a stroll will have its whiskers fanned out as far as they will go. If it meets another cat the whiskers are held in close. They are pulled close at suppertime too. A fussy kitty does not want bits of food trapped in its lovely whiskers!

An angry or frightened cat will have its whiskers pulled all the way back. This can happen with another cat, a snarling dog or some other kind of threat.

Cats do shed their whiskers but not all at once. The whiskers should never be cut or pulled on. Children should be made aware of how harmful it is to the animal when the whiskers are damaged. And too many missing whiskers will have Mr. Boots in a fix—fast! The cat’s ability to get around will be severely impaired.   

Take another look at the above list and focus on one or two of them as you watch your pet in action. Those whiskers keep kitty in touch with the world and may even be the secret to his nine lives.

Home Is Where Your Recliner Is

Mom raised us to make our beds – every day. It’s one of those habits I have never been able to break and Mom would be so pleased. The only thing I’ve altered, and only in the last few years, is the elimination of a bedspread. When I made the bed this morning I noticed the dents. You know, those body specific ones you leave from sleeping in the same spot for months on end. One shaped like me. One shaped like him. It made me smile because those dents are something that tells me “this is home.”

And then, of course, that got me thinking about all the other things that make my home mine (ours). Like our mismatched recliners. Mine is a girly peach color with the original arm guards and head thingy in place. His is a manly gray with toast crumbs in the creases. We love them. If we’re away from home for a length of time, one of us will raise an eyebrow and say, “I hear my recliner calling.” The other one chuckles. We know what that means. Time to heed the call.

I fold my bath towels just so. Lengthwise twice and widthwise twice. Makes a nice, easy to stack towel bundle. The way I do it in my home. Another “mom” thing that I’ve kept up. Kind of bugs me when others have some deviant, strange towel configuration, but, hey, I’m a tolerant person. I would never try to force my towel folding method on anyone. Really. I’m not kidding. Fold your towels your own crazy way. I promise I won’t dis you to the neighbors.

I like curtains. I know the current fashion is to let the window be the star and some of them are gorgeous. But the hominess of curtains has more appeal to me than beautiful bareness and I have them at every window, even the ones that face the woods. Can’t be too careful about peeping Tom squirrels.

My upstairs bathroom is my “changing room.” That’s where I change from Ugly Duckling to Swan every morning. Each piece of essential equipment is right where I want it, too. And I can pull the medicine cabinet mirror open and put my nose right up against it. Not like when you travel and the hotel mirror is so far away that a nearsighted swan like me has to stand on tiptoe just to sweep on the eyeliner. Sheesh. What are these hotel designers thinking, anyway? Yeah, the huge marble vanity is nice, but please. A really snarly swan could go all Alec Baldwin on those designers if they don’t wise up. Put in a makeup mirror already.

If I’m coming home from a meeting at night I can count on the road light to lead me in. It’s at the end of our long gravel driveway. Hubby usually turns it on for me and it’s a very welcome beacon. Then, when I swing open the back door and my own home greets me, a kind of peace settles in. The creaky wood floors, the lingering aroma of whatever I made for supper, the oranges in the basket on the kitchen counter, and the good book waiting for me after I put on my jammies all say, "so glad you're back," and I just love it.   

How about you? What peculiar things make your home your home? I’d really like to know. Unless it's some weird towel thing, that is. 

Image: Free Digital Photos