If any of you have been reading me for a while, you know about my Hair. Naturally curly, takes forever to get dry after I wash it, needs lots of “product”, and on and on. You also know I use soup can sized rollers, orange and purple, that , while in use, makes me look like an orange and purple crested alien. Like from the planet Zork. Anyway, yesterday I was all crested out and sitting under the dryer when it occurred to me that I needed to go out and collect tomatoes before it got too hot.
So, I got out from under the dryer and grabbed a big bowl. My granddaughter, Anna, was watching television and I called to her that I’d be in the garden – still fully crested. I found lots of tomatoes and as I was plucking away, a Fedex truck pulled into the driveway. Uh, oh.
“Crud!” I said to myself. “I hope he doesn’t need a signature.” Our garden is up the hill a ways and he couldn’t see me, but I sure didn’t want to go sign anything in my alien state. So – I skittered over to the asparagus patch, grown up into tall ferns, and scrunched down.
Peeking through the ferns, I watched him walk slowly over the gravel walk and approach the back door, which was open.
“Crud! “ I said to myself from behind the kindly asparagus patch. “If he knocks on the door, I’ll have to go down.” I didn’t want Anna to answer the door or worse, answer the door and point to Grandma skulking around in the asparagus. With my Coke bottle bottom glasses and no makeup, too! (a very trendy look on Zork, though).
“Dang!” I said to myself. “I suppose I could just yell ‘Go ahead and leave it. Pretend I signed’!” He’d look up the hill and I’d wave gently then duck back down.
I crouched. He peered through the screen door. Then he looked at the small box in his hand and set it on the patio beside the door.
As he strolled back down the gravel walk I maneuvered in the asparagus to make sure he couldn’t see me even if he bothered to look up the hill. Lucy Ricardo and Hyacinth Bucket would have felt my pain.
Boy, some days its just not safe to go outside in your alien get up. You just never know when someone dressed in a perfectly normal fashion will come around trying to give you something.
In the box? My new Trac Phone. Hubby’s bringing me into the 21st century (right, Karen?)
Photo: My hiding place