Thursday, August 20, 2015

Lucy, Hyacinth, and Me

If any of you have been reading me for a while, you know about my Hair. Naturally curly, takes forever to get dry after I wash it, needs lots of “product”, and on and on. You also know I use soup can sized rollers, orange and purple, that , while in use, makes me look like an orange and purple crested alien. Like from the planet Zork. Anyway, yesterday I was all crested out and sitting under the dryer when it occurred to me that I needed to go out and collect tomatoes before it got too hot.

So, I got out from under the dryer and grabbed a big bowl. My granddaughter, Anna, was watching television and I called to her that I’d be in the garden – still fully crested. I found lots of tomatoes and as I was plucking away, a Fedex truck pulled into the driveway. Uh, oh.

“Crud!” I said to myself. “I hope he doesn’t need a signature.” Our garden is up the hill a ways and he couldn’t see me, but I sure didn’t want to go sign anything in my alien state. So – I skittered over to the asparagus patch, grown up into tall ferns, and scrunched down.

Peeking through the ferns, I watched him walk slowly over the gravel walk and approach the back door, which was open.

“Crud! “ I said to myself from behind the kindly asparagus patch. “If he knocks on the door, I’ll have to go down.” I didn’t want Anna to answer the door or worse, answer the door and point to Grandma skulking around in the asparagus. With my Coke bottle bottom glasses and no makeup, too! (a very trendy look on Zork, though).

“Dang!” I said to myself. “I suppose I could just yell ‘Go ahead and leave it. Pretend I signed’!” He’d look up the hill and I’d wave gently then duck back down.

I crouched. He peered through the screen door. Then he looked at the small box in his hand and set it on the patio beside the door.


As he strolled back down the gravel walk I maneuvered in the asparagus to make sure he couldn’t see me even if he bothered to look up the hill. Lucy Ricardo and Hyacinth Bucket would have felt my pain.

Boy, some days its just not safe to go outside in your alien get up. You just never know when someone dressed in a perfectly normal fashion will come around trying to give you something.

In the box? My new Trac Phone. Hubby’s bringing me  into the 21st century (right, Karen?)

Photo: My hiding place


  1. You and I would be dangerous together.

  2. So would you and I, Sue! This made me laugh so much! Thanks!

  3. There's got to be a special place in Heaven for all us cut ups. LOL Thanks for your comments, ladies!

  4. You know, I hate it when this happens! While I haven't had this exact scenario, I've had similar ones. Maybe someday when our books make it to the really big time, we can hire someone to intercept packages.:)

    1. Excellent idea, Karen! Here's hoping for the "really big time"! =0)

  5. This is so funny and true! I can not tell you the number of times I've been on the computer in the office, which is on the back side of the house, and hear the doorbell ring. Instant terror! Why, because I'm still in my nightgown or duster. I dash to the bathroom window because from that vantage point I can see the driveway and any car, without anyone on the front steps seeing me. Thankfully, we hardly ever have to sign for any packages so our guy lightly taps on the door and leaves.

    1. I feel your pain! And am laughing about it. LOL