Critter Trouble

We have chipmunks. Have had for many years. There’s a whole enclave of them under the front porch and over the years they’ve set up quite a community just inside the cellar wall. I know this because I’ve seen their stash of maple “helicopters” in that corner of the cellar - it runneth over. Chipmunks are real slobs.

Ew. Maybe that’s a bit harsh. Probably Mrs. Chipmunk (and there have been many, I’m sure) is a neat and tidy little miss. But the Mister and his boys are a rowdy bunch. Like the time this past August when my own Mister and I sat on the patio with a cool drink as is our custom just before we pop something onto the grill. Suddenly there was a great rustle in the bushes.

Two brash young munks tore out from under the greenery and chased each other across the yard and back. They scurried onto a pile of cinder blocks we’d plopped under a tree, turned on each other and put up their dukes. Squiddly –do-do. Little fists flying, a couple of cool insults shot between them and then they were off again. Quite entertaining.

Now it’s November and this morning, as we came to life after a long winter’s nap, there was a “thud!” downstairs coming from front porch area. My man threw back the covers, pulled on his sweats and sallied forth to defend our domicile.

I highly suspect it was one of the Munk brothers. At it again. Probably one of them was about to knock on the front door to ask for some sugar for his cereal when “Wham!” he was tackled from behind by a sibling and clonked his head on the door. Hearing the man charge down the stairs frightened the critters and the were gone before he hit the landing. Cereal with no sugar coming right up.

As much trouble as the boys are, I think the girl chippers are spies. Oh, yeah. I hear their scritchy little feet in the walls. I do. I follow the noise and pound on the plaster to let them know I’m up and moving. Hardly scares them at all but I know what they’re up to. I highly suspect they watch me while I put on my face every morning. I’m sure they find it highly amusing – “She sooo needs a new shade of lip color, Clarice, don’t you think?” Little snots. They fear no such criticism since they know they’ll be cute all their lives without needing an ounce of Maybelline

We have chipmunks.  About now we’re ready and willing to give them your address because we’re thinking of putting the whole dang enclave on the market. They'll need a new home. Let me know if you’re interested. Please .... please .... please.